Preparing for Marriage: Why Premarital Counselling Matters
Written by Cassandra Curado
Leading up to your wedding day are feelings of excitement as you think about the romance and glamour of your special day. You’ve invested all this time and money into your dream wedding day, but what about your future married life? This blog post explains the role premarital counselling plays in building a strong foundation for your marriage.
Premarital Counselling
You’re engaged, living in your romance bubble as you romanticize and plan the perfect wedding day to celebrate your upcoming married life. You’ve invested months, possibly years, of your energy and money into curating the perfect day for you and your future spouse. But then what? Maybe after getting married you realize that you’re not on the same page as your partner about having children, or dealing with financial matters. How will you deal with these conflicts and different perspectives, while also trying to integrate your lives together as a new married couple?
Your wedding day can feel like such a prominent milestone, as the endless Pinterest boards of colour schemes, dresses, and venues begin to occupy your mind. You invest so much time into perfecting that one day of your relationship, when you could invest your time in building a strong foundation for your marriage through premarital counselling. As you would hire a wedding planner to curate your dream wedding, consider premarital counselling as your tool to curate the healthy marriage you deserve.
Premarital counselling is a form of couples therapy that can help you prepare for marriage and the changes that come with this new relationship title. Rather than waiting to experience polarizing values and expectations 5 years into your marriage, premarital counselling can help you prepare for potential conflicts and feel more satisfied with your relationship. Considering premarital counselling doesn’t mean you’re experiencing some form of turmoil in your relationship. Instead, think of this as an opportunity to build the strong marriage you’re both deserving of. Relationships take work and effort, so why not start directing your energy towards creating a strong life together.
What to Expect
Regardless of your experience with therapy, you may be wondering how premarital counselling works and how it differs from other forms of counselling. Your therapeutic journey will begin with an intake where your therapist will ask for basic background information. Truthfully, your therapist is working with three ‘clients’ as they aim to understand each of you as individuals and as a couple. Your intake is then typically followed by an assessment. At The Relationship Agency we use the Prepare/Enrich assessment - a series of questions that cover different aspects of marriage. After you and your partner answer these questions, your therapist will then use this assessment to work with you to identify your strengths and areas of improvement, and teach you the necessary skills to manage these challenges as you begin your marriage. Throughout your sessions you’ll work together to create a plan of what you want to focus on, what your therapy goals are and progress from there to lay the strong foundation for your relationship.
Why Premarital Counselling Matters
Regardless of your relationship experience, or how long you’ve been in a relationship with your soon to be spouse, married life is a learning experience for everyone. Dynamics can change as your lives become more integrated and you may have to adapt as you approach new life milestones together. Let’s say you get to these new milestones and realize you and your spouse aren’t on the same page like you once thought. Now what? This is why premarital counselling is so important for your marriage.
Premarital counselling helps you plan for your future as a couple, as your therapist helps you consider what the future looks like for each of you. Your therapist will help you identify your beliefs, values and expectations within married life. Though married life may seem like a simple extension of your current relationship, there are new aspects that you’ll have to consider. As part of your ‘marriage plan’ your therapist will work through these aspects with the both of you to reduce future conflict and ensure you have a greater understanding for each other’s expectations.
The Aspects of Marriage to Consider:
Family Planning → Do you both want children one day? Do you want to adopt or birth your own? How do you want to raise your children? What family values do you hold?
Financial Matters → How do you plan to set your finances? Will you have shared or separate savings? How will each of you contribute in a way that’s best for both of you?
Roles Within Marriage → What do you expect of yourself and your partner within this marriage? Do you expect roles to be divided evenly? How will you balance work-home responsibilities?
Religious and Cultural Values → Are you coming from different backgrounds or do you hold the same beliefs? How do your beliefs impact your relationship?
Conflict Resolution → How do you manage conflict in relationships? Is there a more effective way you can manage conflicts together?
Our Services
Discussing the different aspects of marriage and the expectations you hold can feel intimidating or hard to confront on your own. Premarital counselling will provide you and your partner with a safe and non-judgemental space to express your concerns, learn about each other, understand how to support each other and create a strong foundation for married life together. At The Relationship Agency our therapists specialize in all things relationships because we recognize just how important they are. So take that step. Invest in your future and get ready for marriage with premarital counselling. Book your virtual session today for couples across Ontario.
| Couples Counselling | Premarital Counselling | Christian Counselling | Family Therapy |