Developing the skills for emotional independence – understanding your emotions and tolerating the distress that comes with it – means you’re more likely to have higher life satisfaction, says Garraway.

“Our culture hasn’t raised men to value that as a skill,” she explained. “In many ways they’ve been punished for it. They don’t have the same skill that women have to access, understand emotion, tolerate it, process it, turn inwards, and then ride through with it.”

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Once you’ve been flooded, it means your body has diverted resources to your new arousal state,” notes Garraway. “This means you don’t have the resources you need for critical thinking, logic, and problem-solving.” In other words, being emotionally flooded can escalate conflicts and prevent you from resolving them.

Garraway adds that it’s common for men to end up shutting down — and their partner reads it as not caring or being disinterested.

“It feels like an act of contempt instead of an inability to process,” she explains.

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Having a clear understanding of SAD also plays a critical role in navigating the condition as a couple. “It’s a lot easier for both you and your partner to make it through the winter when you understand SAD is not a choice that isn’t pleasant for anyone, but is temporary and will pass,” says Garraway.

If both you and your partner both suffer from SAD, Garraway encourages couples to be realistic about what’s possible and what’s not. “It’s OK if you change expectations around maintaining your home and your social calendar during the winter. Instead, shift your priorities to taking care of yourselves.”

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Break down your goal into smaller steps: “A goal without a plan is a plan for not achieving your goal,” Garraway says. You might find it helpful to set a broad, long-term goal (“Improve my mental health”), but then break that down into smaller, actionable steps (“find a therapist,” “exercise regularly,” “try meditation“). You might even break those steps down even further (“look up therapists online,” “buy a gym membership,” “find a meditation on YouTube”). As you make the goals smaller and smaller, they start feeling less overwhelming and more like things you can actually schedule into your routine, while connecting back to your big, overall goal.

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“Our brains have a natural negativity bias,” registered social worker Michelle Garraway of The Relationship Agency tells SheKnows, which makes sense — it’s what kept us alive “in a world that used to try to kill us at every turn.” But that same bias “can lead us to discount the positive and not stop to take stock of our own resilience and progress.” Garraway recommends doing your own personal 2023 Wrapped by making a list of everything you’ve conquered this year, no matter how seemingly small. “You’ll be proud of your own strength and have a better picture of how able you are to take on the new year.”

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